


Random Journal Entries From My Youth

by BiPagan



Category: Stargate Atlantis
Genre: Community: sticksandsnark, F/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2009-11-16
Updated: 2009-11-16
Packaged: 2017-10-03 03:00:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,027
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13462
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/BiPagan/pseuds/BiPagan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Summary: written from Teyla's child's point of view. I left the age and gender of the various entries vague on purpose.<br/>A/N: Written for the Rodney/Teyla Thing-a-thon, hosted at sticksandsnark. This was inspired, in part, by Society Of S written by Susan Hubbard. Thanks to taeli and inkipink for the beta !<br/>Written for:  silver_galaxy.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Random Journal Entries From My Youth

I love my mom; she's the strongest person I can imagine. She's surrounded me with all these incredible Aunts and Uncles who will never get any credit for raising me, which seems completely unfair. My Aunt Jeannie gave me this book and told me to write about my life because each life is unique. I didn't understand how unique until she invited Mom and me to come visit her on Earth for one of their holiday celebrations. I remember it so vividly. That was the year I received this book and decided to write about my family.

***

My first blood was a very exciting time because it meant I got to go onto the mainland with Uncle Ronon and Mom. He wanted to show me how to survive in the wilderness. When he asked Mom, she gave him one of her smiles. She communicates with her smiles and this one said, "I'd better come along so they don't get into trouble." "What trouble could we get into?" Yes, I said it out loud but it was an accident. I didn't mean to read her thoughts, honest. When Uncle Merry and John found out, they wanted to come too but Uncle Ronon glared them down. I had never seen him do that to family before. I didn't know why this was so important and neither did Uncle Merry. He gave very reasonable arguments to Mom that he, at least, should go as well. Mom gave him a hug and kiss on the cheek for worrying about us before taking me to practice my aim. This is an extremely important skill so that I don't put the animal through too much pain when I kill it. Being on the mainland, alone with Mom and Uncle Ronon, was amazing. I learned to track, walk quietly, hide, set traps, and all the ways to survive. It took me many days but I did take down my first prey. The shot was clean. My aim was true and the animal died swiftly. I brought it back to camp but had a feeling they had been watching me the entire time I was away. Mom took blood from the entry point and placed it on my lips. "We do this to live. Taste your first blood and know gratitude for this death." They gave me a knife and showed me where to cut the skin. The smell was like nothing I ever encountered before. That night, we ate the meat and I heard stories of survival, ways to live, and how to protect the people I love. I must have fallen asleep as the fire died down because I woke to the whispers of their conversations. Uncle Ronon's deep bass tremble was a soothing comfort.  
"It's been long enough."  
"I'm not sure his heart is ready."  
Not ready for what? I lay still, with my back to them, trying to decipher who they were talking about. Did someone have a bad heart? Would they be leaving? What could Mom do that Medical couldn't?

***

It was soon after my first blood when Aunt Jeannie came to visit again. They needed her brain, which is the only reason they let her visit, but I love her for other reasons. She looks different from everyone else I know and never wears the same clothes every day. She laughed and told stories about Uncle Rodney. I remember one day when she told me his name is Meredith and why she's the only person who's allowed to call him that. I didn't understand that on Earth there are names specific to gender and Uncle Rodney's name is considered a girl's name. That night, when he came to read me Tolkien before bed, I asked him if I could call him Uncle Merry like the character in the book. He didn't like it much but said I could say it only if we were alone together. We had a secret just the two of us! I asked him if he wanted to give me a secret name. He said, "Kid." He's not very creative, you know. I reminded him that was what Uncle John calls me. He looked vague for a moment then went into a long speech about why I should have chosen Gandalf instead of Merry. I don't remember much of that except something about Hobbits and botanists. I think he was changing the subject because I mentioned Uncle John. That's the only time he gets that far away look.

***

During our visit to Canada I missed my time with Uncle John and Uncle Ronon. They didn't come with Mom, Uncle Merry, and me on our trip. I especially missed our morning runs around Atlantis. When I was very young, I would hear them pounding past our living quarters like my own special morning alarm. I'd rush out to the corridor in my bed clothes and try to catch up to them. I don't think they even knew. It took months before I finally caught them. They said I should wake up earlier and meet them for the run. Uncle John told me what to wear but Uncle Ronon didn't think it was important. He said the only rule was to keep up. That was harder then just catching up to them. They never slowed down and I still don't think I could beat Uncle Ronon in a race. But the day I caught up with Uncle John was as happy a day as when I gave Uncle Merry his special name. I scared Uncle John by pulling on his shirt back then ducking around him the other way. When he saw me, he grabbed me up in the biggest hug and laughed so loud that Uncle Ronon came back to check on the noise. Uncle John said, "Look at Speedy Gonzales here." Uncle Ronon didn't understand and wondered if it had anything to do with Lieutenant Gonzales, but I knew and beamed with joy.

***

Uncle John had brought back cartoons from Earth that we watched with Uncle Lorne. I never could get Uncle Lorne to tell me about his life outside of Atlantis. I do know that he prefers Tex Avery cartoons, likes extra salt on his popcorn, and beats me at card games (but I beat him at Scrabble). It was Uncle Lorne and Uncle Ronon that taught me how to swim. Aunt Sam let some people have time off and they all went to the beach. I was very little and it was my first time on the land of the planet Atlantis sat on. I didn't know there was land outside of visiting other planets. All I knew was water, blue and shiny as far as I could see. Mom took me along and I gasped at the sight of our planet's trees. We had trees and grass and animals! I didn't know they existed. People put down blankets, ate, played throwing games, and swam. I was shocked they didn't fall straight down. Our water doesn't have a bottom. I thought everyone knew that. So I stood shyly, squishing my toes in the sand, when Uncle Ronon scooped me up and ran out to the water with me. I screamed at the shock and wrapped my arms around his neck. He has a deep laugh that I could feel shake through my body. His smile beamed away all my worry. He was belly high in the water before he plopped my butt down. We played a game with him cradling me and dunking me more and more until he went underwater with me. He told me to take a deep breath and then I saw him with his hair floating around his face. At that moment, he was the most amazing to me. When he stood back up, he shook his head and sprayed me with more water until I giggled. "Nothing to it. Want to swim?" I told him I didn't know how but wanted to learn. He called Uncle Lorne over and they taught me to float and kick. Then Uncle Lorne walked far away and waved at me. Uncle Ronon put my feet on his belly and told me when he pushed me away that I should kick until I reached Uncle Lorne. I put my arms out like he told me and suddenly I was free. It seemed to take forever before I reached Uncle Lorne's hugs. I felt so safe with my Uncles and knew they'd always be there to catch me. They did that with me until I could swim on my own up to the beach. Mom was talking with Uncle Merry and had on her worried face. It seemed that Uncle Merry had made a very important decision. I heard him mention Uncle John's name as I walked up to flop face first on the sand. Uncle Ronon got yelled at by Uncle Merry for not bringing me back sooner, then slathered more sunscreen all over my back. Now that I think about it, I don't think Mom and Uncle Merry moved at all from the blanket the entire time I was in the water.

***

Before we finished packing, Uncle Merry stopped by to double check his list. Did we pack warm clothes? Check. Did I download the physics book we've been working on to my data pad? Check. Did I know my cover story? Check. Uncle Merry reminded me over and over what to tell anyone other than Aunt Jeannie and Kaleb. Mom travels to many countries and I'm home schooled so I don't know much about music. He made it seem as if Earth kids didn't read and were stupid. While we traveled to Earth, he quizzed me on various theories I was supposed to have memorized. Instead, I questioned him on the validity of one concept or another. It was easy to get him talking and once he started, he tended not to stop. I learned better this way, anyway, and people seemed to appreciate my effort until I visit a lab and fixed an error in their equations.

Uncle Z doesn't mind my presence in the lab so much, possibly because I am one of the few people who could speak Czech. Language is very easy to learn on Atlantis but no one other than me seems to want to. Everyone swears in their original tongue and once they catch me repeating the words, they teach me others that are more appropriate for a child. Recently, I caught Uncle Z (after one of his louder arguments with Uncle Merry) mumbling in Czech, "Fuck it! He's just angry because he is an idiot with women. He should just kiss Teyla and be done with it before we all strangle him." I stumbled a bit before interrupting him. What do you say when you overhear that someone loves your mother? I did the only thing I could think of, I asked him what he was working on and pretended I didn't hear.

***

That first time on Earth, I came to the conclusion that it was an ice planet. Uncle Merry agreed with me and told me the only reason he returned was because he promised his sister and Mom and also I needed an Earth escort. The planes are very slow compared to Uncle John's jumpers and I was anxious to meet Madison. I didn't have any friends my age on Atlantis but the times Mom took me to visit people on other planets I got to meet and play with kids she knew from trading. Meeting Madison was wonderful. Aunt Jeannie had told her all about me. She and I shared her room while Mom slept in the spare room and Uncle Merry on the couch. This didn't seem to make him happy at all and it was Aunt Jeannie's turn to speak with her face. The look she gave him was well known on Atlantis and I almost said so. Keeping quiet about home was going to be more difficult than I thought.

The next day I woke up in Madison's bed and crept around her where she was sleeping on the floor. It was still early, the sun was barely over the horizon, but Kaleb was already in the kitchen drinking coffee. He wondered where I was going and when I told him I wanted to go for a run he asked if he could join me. He reminded me that Earth doors need keys and I would have to get used to carrying one around if I was going out every morning. He warned me to be careful as he didn't want to bring me home with a twisted ankle on my first day of vacation. The snow was everything Uncle Merry warned me about and more. Cold and crunchy under my feet, my breath came out in great clouds while we moved swiftly down the street. Soon, I understood the warning as I fell on my butt. Ice seemed to be my biggest obstacle on this planet. Kaleb said to try running off the path and in the snow. It would be more difficult but it wouldn't hurt my pride as much. By the time we got back, everyone was eating breakfast and talking about getting a tree.

The whole idea of decorating the Miller house for this holiday seemed strange to me but I tried to go along as best I could. By the time I started to explain about the lights on the greenery being a fire hazard, Madison had decided take me to meet her friends at the mall. While she drove, she started asking me questions about my childhood, moving around a lot, and how I know Uncle Merry. I'm not very good at lying so I just did what I do with Uncle Merry and asked her about herself. They are definitely related. She told me she was looking forward to going to University but was upset that her boyfriend had recently broken up with her. When she started talking about how Uncle Merry acts differently around Mom, I got confused because he doesn't seem to be acting any different from the way he normally does every other night. When I questioned her about it she looked at me strangely and asked me if I had ever been in love myself. Well, no. I mean, who was there to ever fall in love with let alone stay friends with for any amount of time. It was then she wanted to know about my love life. Had I ever been kissed? No. She decided then that I would leave Canada having experienced some romance. Great.

Her mall was unlike any shopping center I've ever experienced and I can't do it much justice since it was busy but not very exciting. I think I now understand what Uncle Merry was trying to tell me about Earth kids. They talked, a lot. I couldn't keep up with the conversation but they all seemed nice. Someone was passing out these small green leaves to everyone with a note that said, "Gets lots of use out of this and Merry Christmas." Some of the guys were holding the the leaves over their heads and trying to kiss the girls. I must have looked shocked because Madison explained that the green leaves were mistletoe and that there was a tradition that if people met under the mistletoe then they had to kiss. Then one of the guys said, "Like this" while holding the leaves over my head. He grabbed me quick and kissed me hard. His cracked lips felt rough and I didn't like his smell so I punched him in the stomach. Everyone started to laugh at him as we walked away.

Back at Aunt Jeannie's house, I gave her the mistletoe because I didn't want to force anyone to kiss me. She told me thank you and then hung it in the doorway to the living room. I made it a point to stay out of that doorway and went straight up to bed. Madison had already changed her clothing for the night by the time I finished in the bathroom. She looked up from the book she was reading on her bed when I came in and apologized for her friend. "Jakob's an ass but really, you seemed more than shocked. Don't you want to be kissed?" I sat down next to her without saying anything because I just didn't know. When she bent over and kissed me, I realized it felt different. Her lips were smooth and gentle. I told her so and explained that neither kiss felt special at all.

The morning of the gift opening was chaotic. Madison and I spent the night talking so we heard the creak from the guest bedroom door opening and closing. She hurried to the door and opened it with a loud, "Good morning Uncle Rodney" as she made her way to the bathroom. When she came back she told me how angry he was and threatened to return her gifts. What was he doing in Mom's room so early? When I returned from my run with Kaleb, everyone was sitting in the kitchen in their pajamas. Madison had told me about this tradition as well but I didn't think she was serious. Why did everyone have to stay in their sleeping clothes to open gifts? I felt out of my depth all morning and the way Mom and Uncle Rodney were smiling didn't ease that sensation. Madison leaned over to me as we walked to the tree and whispered, "I told you so."   
"Told me what?" I asked.   
"Just watch the mistletoe." She was right. Uncle Merry stopped in the doorway, turned around, and kissed MY Mom. The plant now hangs over every doorway of our living space.

***

Aunt Jeannie said writing would help me understand and remember the people that matter most to me. She never explained how I would feel reading those same words years later. In a strange way, I'm glad that no one on Earth will get to see this after all.


End file.
